Friday, November 14, 2014

Comet FIFA data shows "astonishing level of corruption" say analysts

Analysts are struggling to make sense of the data being sent back from Comet FIFA by the Garcia probe, which has landed at the heart of the mystery-shrouded body. Despite gathering and sending back a huge amount of information, the Garcia probe has suffered from being in the shade of Mount Blatter, the highest mountain on the comet. As a result, there has been an "astonishing level of corruption" according to most analysts.

One of the analysts said "A real problem was getting the probe to work at all. Nothing sticks to Comet FIFA, so it's very hard to keep the probe in place. It's possible that it may shut down due to the hostile conditions on FIFA, which is continually shrouded in a blanket of fog, thickest around Mount Blatter.

It's taken many years to get to the heart of FIFA. Analysts have been speculating about the toxic clouds around Mount Blatter, suggesting that they have created an environment that defies the laws seen elsewhere in the universe. "Some very weird things happen on FIFA" said one US investigator "We've never seen the level of powerful forces that exist there, which seem to deflect all external threats"

Though most analysts are shocked and stunned, the Eckert institute in Germany has gone against the trend. Their project COVERUP (Calling Out Virtually Each Rumour as Utterly Preposterous) has produced a summary saying that all is normal on Comet FIFA, and everyone else is wrong.

While analysis of the data from Comet FIFA continues, the body continues to thunder through the universe, destroying everything it its path. Analysts fear that it might one day destroy Planet Football. "We suspect the such a comet once crashed into the earth, causing the extinction of honest football administrators" said an analyst. "We hope it doesn't do the same to Planet Football".

Image credit Creative Commons Attribution 3.0

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